Thursday, November 6, 2014

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Heisler Declares Eligibility for #TRSDraft

Placeholder photo. Choose some budgie smuggler photo later.
Also, Photoshop down to race weight.

Publicist Note: Draft. Do not post!

I, Ryan Heisler, am hereby declaring my eligibility for the Winter 2014 The Real Starky Draft. I believe it is the correct time to take this step in my triathlon career profession hobby. Although I don't project as a first-round pick, I believe I would provide excellent value as a later-round draftee.

I am a rough three-tool prospect (editor's note: to quote one Sterling Archer...uh, phrasing?) who can activate on sponsorship, race decently, and provide excellent beer support from the great state of Maine.

To wit: after #OopsIBrokeMySpine, I attended Revolution3 Maine to cheer on friends. Additionally, having a relationship with Rising Tide Brewing Company (editor's note: you stayed on the owner's couch for a couple months; that's a little more than "a relationship"; let's rethink this passage), I determined it would be a good idea to activate on the sponsorship at mile 1 of the run course.

note: can we edit Jamie to be female?

For what it's worth, Rising Tide brews what is considered the Best Beer in Maine: Maine Island Trail Ale, which makes for phenomenal racing hand-ups, as evidenced by the above Tweets.

To answer some hand-picked questions from the media:

Why would I want to join up with what was originally a parody Twitter account? 
Because, well, triathlon needs to be more fun. Working in the running and multisport industry for as long as I have, there's one thing I've learned: there are a lot of people who take this far too seriously for what is our hobby.

Also, The Real Starky and I have done battle before:

Broken Thoracic Spine. Guess that's close enough.
Creative environments tend to have some volatility to them; by having strong voices that push one another, you wind up with a better end result rather than a bunch of lemming yes-men in the same circle. How do we think the current handling of WTC got to where it is?

Also, I do indeed dress like a champion with my TRS Shirt (blatant plug to buy yours here).

So, what do you mean by triathlon as more fun?
More trash talk before the race. More trash talk during the race. And then getting done, laughing about it, drinking a beer or four, and generally just having fun.

Look, there's a reason why Brooks has been successful in the run space. Hint: it's not by taking themselves seriously. Their tagline is "Run Happy!" We need more of that in triathlon. That's what TRS stands for.

What else can you offer The Real Starky?
Plenty of beer from Maine, of course. Also, we have Sugarloaf up here, and that mountain kicks all kinds of ass. So, a ski vacation for fellow team members.

Also, well, I'm prone to doing some relatively silly things:

Whaddya know? It's a male tree.
How're your race results?
Exceptionally, painfully average.

What do you expect out of TRS, if selected?
Good times, an opportunity to laugh.

Oh, and hopefully a bike. I need a new one after the whole crashing thing.

Anyone else? No? Good. It's Portland Beer Week. Time to grab a drink. (Ed.: God, he sounds like a drunkard.)

Cheers! (Yep, definitely now.)

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